When I was about 13 or so I met a young man who was part of a born again Christian church. He invited me to come to church so I did and ultimately that led to me spending a few weeks up in northern Arizona at a Christian Summer camp.
One day several boys decided to disappear off into the woods and a few of us followed them. We hiked for what I would guess was only a mile or two and then quite suddenly the trail dropped off into a ravine that was about 30’-40’ deep. Strung above the ravine was a thick cord of a wire and on the wire was a pulley with a steel loop under it and a long rope tied through the loop. One of the older boys grabbed the rope, hiked down into the ravine pulling on it as he went, slowly guiding the pulley to the other side of the ravine. He hiked up, took off his shirt running it through the same loop the rope was tied to. He then slid his wrists through the openings in his shirt meant for his arms, rotated the fabric a few times so as to pull the fabric tight up against his forearms and without warning he leapt off of the launch boulder at the edge of the ravine. The pulley buzzed to life and he flew, swinging his legs in unison front to back, out over that deep scar in the ground, tapping the tops of trees with his legs as he passed and landing safely back on our side of the divide.
I was enthralled. I was terrified of the drop but I was totally drawn into that idea of really feeling what it must be like to fly. So of course I had to do it.
And I did it over and over and over. In fact, as the sun went down and most of the other boys had left I was still doing it. Something about zipping out through nothingness and seeing the earth so far below your two feet was intoxicating and I was addicted. I decided to go for it one last time. I was alone but I knew the way back and I just had to do it one more time. So I scrambled down into that ravine for possibly the 20th time that day. At the bottom there was a small stream and I was unable to avoid getting my feet wet because the ravine had grown dark and I couldn’t find the path I had been taking to avoid the stream. I could only pick my way through it using the dim degrees of grey to black which represented various trees, stones and underbrush in the shadowy netherworld of the ravine. In short it was dark. By the time I got to the top I was scared. There was no way I would be able to pick my way back to the other side because now the sun had gone down below the horizon, Even the sunset afterglow had faded to a dark purple. There was no choice left but to run the zip line again, in the dark.
I had done this a lot that day. But standing on the launch boulder and tipping slightly at the waist to ready my hands I felt slightly dizzy. I knew the chasm was yawning under me and that if I didn’t get it right I’d plummet down and die.
And then a thought occurred to me. Actually it really wasn’t a thought. It was feeling, an alarm that had nothing to do with rational thought. It was the distinct and undeniable alert that prey feels when in the proximity of its predator, my genetic memory telling me to get the hell out. Something was watching me. Something was right behind me. And in a spurt of irrationality and terror I jumped off that boulder not knowing if I had secured my hands and not even thinking about the fact that I might plummet to my death. I was sure something was right behind me in the dark and it wanted to hurt me. No more than second (probably less) after I jumped I heard a low and guttural grunt from my left, a deep snarl that scared me so badly I didn’t have the capacity to scream. My body erupted in gooseflesh and the fear I felt made me so alert I felt as though time slowed a bit. I felt like was capable of seeing everything at once, if that makes any sense.
My hands had been secured and a few moments later I landed on the other side of the ravine. I whipped my hands out as fast as I could, feeling distinctly like the horror show heroine who fumbles desperately for her car keys at the lock as the machete wielding maniac approaches from behind. Somehow I got my hand out and I ran. I ran as fast I could and I didn’t stop until I got back to the large play field at the edge of the camp.
Did this all actually happen? Yes. At least, I think I know it happened. To put it another way, I’m not making it up. I did stand on top of that rock in the darkness and fumble for my hand holds. I did jump off that rock because I was terrified that there was something behind me and intent on eating me. I did land on the other side and I did run for camp fueled by a terror I hadn’t ever felt until that point in my life.
But was there really something there? Did I really hear the grunt or did my mind supply the grunt as motivation or justification for jumping? I’m not sure. I’ve never been sure and I’ll never be sure. But I believe it was there. I know I’m not lying or making this up. I know it happened as best I can and that’s all I’ll ever have.
The story behind The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon is simple. 9 year old Trisha McFarland gets lost in the deep woods off of the Appalachian trail. She struggles with all the problems any human would in the same situation. No food, no shelter and existing in that distinctly silent world of the woods where, after a few moments of deep stillness you realize that you're an outsider in a land that could eat you up and forget you. And where they wouldn't even find the bones.
Weaved into this story is Trisha and her father’s shared love of baseball and her crush on the Red Sox closing pitcher, Tom Gordon. About the time that Trisha realizes that she has her walkman in her pack and can listen to Sox games (“yeah baby!”), she also realizes that she is being stalked by something dark and terrible. Is it denizen of the woods? Is it something far worse? Is it simply a result of the slow hallucinations that may or may not be setting in due to fever, hunger and pain?
As the story moves forward it changes from one of simple to survival to a metaphor about how the things we find inspiration in can save us when we face the things we fear the most.
It takes time in life to realize that, as the book puts it, “The world had teeth and it could bite you with them any time it wanted”.
How we react defines us.
This is a damn good book which seems to get better the more time passes and the more I think about it. Read it if you can. It’s short and well worth the effort.